Feeling Political Pressure from Suginami City and …

For about a year, an occupationaltherapist(OT) visited my home once per week for my rehabilitation. 
After this 6/4’s post, Suddenly he(the OT) told me ” If you lose only 3 hours care per week now Suginami City provides?”. At that time, I had never told about this blog in Japanese. Of course, I well know my internet communication to be watched, but I have the right for freedom of expression. The bloated tissue like bureau tend to gag us in such way.

The next week, he told me “If Suginami City provides 5 or 6 hours care per week, thats not so wrong?” I agreed. I wish enough care as the price for paying for my silence about　the treatment (almost neglect ) now I’m getting. But I couldn’t get care more than 3 hours per week.

He had been escalated pressuring and nosing. As the OT, I think there are reasonable instructing and information collection, but I can’t understand why he want to know about my friends, why he can talk me “It’s difficult for you” about my study as a doctoral student. Sure, it’s difficult for me. I’m struggling to achieve. But why the OT talk about that?  I had been threating  the faceless enemy who was talking me whose dispotion using the OT’s tongue.

After that, I abondoned rehabilitation. I can’t move my arms and legs by myself sufficiently. without rehabilitation, my joints will be inamimate.  There is a lot of  tension in my body. But now I’m feeling happy because I’m free from political pressure in my home !

The “ethnic” neighborhood

The Constitution of Japan declares the free choice of where to live. But we the disabled people have very few choice to live.  Once the local government decides that the disabled people have to  die,  we can’t  live in the city or town.

I heard that some disabled people moved from Suginami city to Nakano city, because they will be killed by the cruel public welfare if they will stay at Suginami city, although Suginami city is very rich local government. Nakano city is not rich, but there the disabled people live with enough public welfare.

Sometimes I think I’m a wandering exile that is asking the Promised Land where I can live.

After the days of complete burnout

My paralysis have been progressing prominently over past 2 years. When I found I couldn’t walk(about 3 years ago), in fact, I didn’t feel  sad.  The days in the wheelchair are   incomvenient but there are various delight and discovery. And at first, my hands and arms are not invaded.

But day by day, the paralysis invaded my hands and arms, of course my legs. For example, I can write with ball-pointed pen this February, but now I can’t. All movements that are necessary to bring daily life take me my reduced strength. And I can’t cared enough, only 3 hours per week.

In a state of complete burnout, I worked and studied, but I was too tired to do that. My brain can’t think straight, and I can’t feel to sleep. After 3 months of complete burnout, I worsen schizophrenia, that is my chronic disease.

Now I’m in the mental hospital to take the rest. I’m physically and mentally disabled, so Tokyo Metropolitan pay the bill.  Here I can eat meals 3 times per day, and take bath 1 times per 2 or 3 days. I’m doing my work and study in a calm frame of mind. But I’m pessimistic. After I left this hospital, my daily life will be very dangerous and dirtiness as usual. I wish my safe and healthy life with enough care, but in Japan, my wish never come true.

As a lesson to everyone

I may be deprived of the modest welfare services now I’m receiving, because I’m writing this blog. As a lesson to everyone, I must be abused and be killed by the government.

Today, I’m very pessimistic. I feel there is nothing to help me my survival in Japan.

I don’t have the right to recognize what I need

Today, 2 person from local government( the Suginami city) visited my home to grade the degree of my disability. The system about welfare for disabled in Japan is very complicated. It consists of 3 major system, about recognition of the disability by the prefectures( in my case, the Tokyo metropolitan government), granting of the pension by Social Insurance Agent, and provision of welfare service by the city.

There are 6 grades 1st to 6th about the last, the 6th is most severe grade. I was lated as 3rd in April 2007 and got only 3 hour of care at home per week. At that time, 2 person from this city visited my home and did the survey, but I felt they already concluded to grade me at 3rd and surveyed only ritually. I claimed the review but it was no dice. After the ritually surveying, I was graded at 3rd again in May 2007.

My doctor thought my daily life was too dangerous for me, and she approached to the city. So, today, I could get the surveillance. The 2 person from the city behaved very gently, asked the status of me and the predetermined 106 questions. The 106 questions and choices are the problems, because they are very coarse. For example, about walking, there are 3 choices “I can walk”, “I can’t walk” and “I can walk with support”. The difficulty and fatigue about walking are not considered. This time, they from the city heard my concrete speaking and recorded, but I couldn’t know what they recorded, because it’s predetermined to do “not” let us know what is happening about us.

Also, I must wait the decision of the city. After the surveillance, the committee in the closed chamber decides my grade. None of the committee know me and my daily life. They ( the city ) can decide unilaterally what I need. I wish live, work and study (I’m a doctoral student too) without anxiety , but it seems as the totally unrealistic dream.

The “family welfare”

There is a word “Kazoku Fukushi” in Japanese, that means the walfare survices dedicated by the family of the disabled, the aged,  the babies and the toddlers.

Japan is wealthy nation, but about public walfare, the budgets is lacking absolutely. There are not enough day-care center, so working mothers depend on their mothers to do not quit their jobs. But as the countermeasures to the falling birthrate, the local governments are taking various child supports. I’m living at Suginami city, which is known as a local government that provides very enhanced child care, education, and care for the children’s parents. The welfare for elderly is not sufficient but not ignored, because Japan is very aging society so there are many aged, and they are voters. There are about 25 millions of aged over 65 years old, that is a quarter of vorters in Japan. Anyway, without family caregiver, the aged can’t live. There are about 4 millions of disabled in Japan, and we are considered as the burden on society. Of course, we can make a stand, but we were/are/will be ignored because we are minority. There are some exceptional disabled who are educated well and are able to shape their career, but without the dedicated family ( usually her/his mother), they can’t achieve that, because the public walfare is quite insufficient and we are almost ignored by the government.

We disabled are the burden on our family too, if it is worth to call them “our family”. The disabled’s families are subject to discrimination and prejudice, and they must care the disabled. So, they abuse us and choose to break with us. The lonely disabled who can’t receive care and can’t find job often commits a criminal act to get the life in prison, where she/he is protected from the weather, well feeded, and well cared.

I was abused in my family when I was young, so I can’t receive favors of the “family walfare”. The insufficient public walfare for the disabled is my lifeblood.

Days with raw garbage

I’m receiving care services at home for 3 hours per a week. It’s quite insufficient for me. But in May 2007, the local government (Suginami city) decided that’s enough for me until 2010, though my disability is progressing.

The home-care worker visits my home once a week. She cleans up my home, washes my clothes and dishes, gives me a bath and takes the trash out. I’m living and working with the smell of rotted raw garbage, feeling itchy all over because I can’t take a bath.

Now, the home-care worker  who visits my home is very highly-motivated person, so I must content with the present situation. But there are various home-care workers.  There are home-care workers who snoop into my privacy, steals someting in my house, and doughts that I’m posing as a disabled.  Actually, I had bullied by one of them, and I’m considering she was a cat’s-paw of the local government. If I made a peep with the suffering that she caused or she could “find” I was a deshonest reseipt of the services for the disabled, the local government was able to succeed to cut in walfare.

There are a lot of problems. As a general rule, we disabled must accept the home-care workers that the local government dispatches how they are bareful, ineffective and unfaithful until they assaults us. Sometimes I feel my life is not worth to live because I can’t live without care.

Suicide prevention and assisting with suicide by the state

In 2006, the two opposed law were enforced in Japan. One of them promotes the strategy to prevent suicide. And the another one is a law to “help ” handicapped people become financially independent, but that never helps us, that only undermine the welfare of the handicapped. This law actually have driven to commit suicide at least 10-20 persons, who are the handicapped or the family of the handicapped.

The irony is that the law should help the handicapped to become financially independent is helping us to commit suicide. This law is named “Jiritsu-Shien-Hou”, but we the handicapped are calling it “Jisatsu-Shien-Hou” . “Jisatsu-Shien-How” means the law helps handicapped people to commit suicide, and decribes the reality of this law. It’s obvious that when the Japanese state wishes to rescue the people from suicide, they are considering the handicappeds are not the people.

The unidentified desease

I’m having the progressing paralysis of the extremities. I can stand on my two legs for a minutes and can walk only 5-10 meters, but that are danger for me. Usually I’m wheelchaired, it’s inconvenient but I’m happy when I am forgetting to think about deficient welfare for the handicapped in Japan.

My disease is unidentified. That’s breaking up me stronger than the paralysis . I’m plagued by the disease, discrimination and unappreciation, but that seems quite far from enough. The welfare for the handicapped in Japan doesn’ts intend disabilities from the unidentified disease for any walfare services. Sometimes, who are working for walfare policy or medical care suspect I’m pretending disabled, because they want to cutting in welfare budget.

I’m longing for disease name. I’m suffered from the disease enough, I don’t want to be suffered unreasoninguly from society or politics.

The medically abused victims of child abuse

Several of my friends are the victims of the child abuse and suffer from the after effect. I had been the abused child, abused wife … too. They want someone who is peer to them. I’m struggling my low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. But I’m happy because I have work to do. Through the accumulation of my daily work, I’m shaping my career. That makes me feel like a worthy individual.

But the problem is my friends who are the persons of leisure. They are on welfare and are incapable of working, because being overprescription of psychotropic drugs. There are some psychiatric adult daycare facilities in Tokyo which specialized in relatively-mild mental disease, victims of child abuse or social misfits. Now they are abused by the medical professionals and in crisis because the welfare budget is cutting back, but they can do nothing, they can’t work and they can’t resist the daycare facilities. So they ask for help to me.

I feel angry with the daycare facilities, but sometimes I feel angry with the victims too. When they ask me for help or lament the problem of the facilities to me, I tell them the alternative that they can select, the better medical care or the better lifestyle. But they never help themselves. Sometimes I feel that I’m exploited by the victims and the facilities,　and talk to myself “Why I’m making myself foolish?”.