Days with raw garbage

I’m receiving care services at home for 3 hours per a week. It’s quite insufficient for me. But in May 2007, the local government (Suginami city) decided that’s enough for me until 2010, though my disability is progressing.

The home-care worker visits my home once a week. She cleans up my home, washes my clothes and dishes, gives me a bath and takes the trash out. I’m living and working with the smell of rotted raw garbage, feeling itchy all over because I can’t take a bath.

Now, the home-care worker  who visits my home is very highly-motivated person, so I must content with the present situation. But there are various home-care workers.  There are home-care workers who snoop into my privacy, steals someting in my house, and doughts that I’m posing as a disabled.  Actually, I had bullied by one of them, and I’m considering she was a cat’s-paw of the local government. If I made a peep with the suffering that she caused or she could “find” I was a deshonest reseipt of the services for the disabled, the local government was able to succeed to cut in walfare.

There are a lot of problems. As a general rule, we disabled must accept the home-care workers that the local government dispatches how they are bareful, ineffective and unfaithful until they assaults us. Sometimes I feel my life is not worth to live because I can’t live without care.

Suicide prevention and assisting with suicide by the state

In 2006, the two opposed law were enforced in Japan. One of them promotes the strategy to prevent suicide. And the another one is a law to “help ” handicapped people become financially independent, but that never helps us, that only undermine the welfare of the handicapped. This law actually have driven to commit suicide at least 10-20 persons, who are the handicapped or the family of the handicapped.

The irony is that the law should help the handicapped to become financially independent is helping us to commit suicide. This law is named “Jiritsu-Shien-Hou”, but we the handicapped are calling it “Jisatsu-Shien-Hou” . “Jisatsu-Shien-How” means the law helps handicapped people to commit suicide, and decribes the reality of this law. It’s obvious that when the Japanese state wishes to rescue the people from suicide, they are considering the handicappeds are not the people.

The unidentified desease

I’m having the progressing paralysis of the extremities. I can stand on my two legs for a minutes and can walk only 5-10 meters, but that are danger for me. Usually I’m wheelchaired, it’s inconvenient but I’m happy when I am forgetting to think about deficient welfare for the handicapped in Japan.

My disease is unidentified. That’s breaking up me stronger than the paralysis . I’m plagued by the disease, discrimination and unappreciation, but that seems quite far from enough. The welfare for the handicapped in Japan doesn’ts intend disabilities from the unidentified disease for any walfare services. Sometimes, who are working for walfare policy or medical care suspect I’m pretending disabled, because they want to cutting in welfare budget.

I’m longing for disease name. I’m suffered from the disease enough, I don’t want to be suffered unreasoninguly from society or politics.

The medically abused victims of child abuse

Several of my friends are the victims of the child abuse and suffer from the after effect. I had been the abused child, abused wife … too. They want someone who is peer to them. I’m struggling my low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy. But I’m happy because I have work to do. Through the accumulation of my daily work, I’m shaping my career. That makes me feel like a worthy individual.

But the problem is my friends who are the persons of leisure. They are on welfare and are incapable of working, because being overprescription of psychotropic drugs. There are some psychiatric adult daycare facilities in Tokyo which specialized in relatively-mild mental disease, victims of child abuse or social misfits. Now they are abused by the medical professionals and in crisis because the welfare budget is cutting back, but they can do nothing, they can’t work and they can’t resist the daycare facilities. So they ask for help to me.

I feel angry with the daycare facilities, but sometimes I feel angry with the victims too. When they ask me for help or lament the problem of the facilities to me, I tell them the alternative that they can select, the better medical care or the better lifestyle. But they never help themselves. Sometimes I feel that I’m exploited by the victims and the facilities,　and talk to myself “Why I’m making myself foolish?”.